Divorce or separation typically equates to change—an enormous change. And along with change typically comes fear. Fear of the unknown. Fear that you may not make it on your own. Fear about how your children may be impacted by separation or divorce. Fear about how you might pay your next bill, or handle the topic of divorce at the next family barbeque.
Building a new life after separation or divorce is challenging. But feeling afraid in an unfamiliar situation is normal. Fear is a natural instinct, an emotional response to dangerous circumstances that we believe have the potential to cause death, injury or illness.
We need a realistic degree of fear in our lives to live. Without fear, we would be carelessly driving our vehicles and walking into oncoming traffic.
Instead of eliminating fear in ourselves, we need to train ourselves to be realistic with our fears. We need to listen to, embrace, and face our fears. Whether or not we move on to a rewarding and fulfilling post-separation life depends on how we deal with our fears.
Face Your Fear
The biggest fear of separation or divorce is uncertainty. This can be incredibly difficult after a lengthy marriage or de facto relationship has ended and then facing decisions such as: where will I live, how will I pay the bills, and will I be alone for the rest of my life?
It is essential to accept that no one can tell the future, and you cannot predict what will happen next whether you are married or separated.
Fear requires action, and upon action, fear will dissolve.
Identify what it is you are afraid of and then take small steps toward getting what you want.
An excellent way to identify what you are afraid of in relation to separation or divorce is to make a list of your fears. Stating your fears helps diffuse them. By making a list of your fears, you are identifying and becoming more aware of your fears. If you are more aware of your fears, you can tackle these fears with action and resolution.
For example, if you identify a fear such as, how will I pay the bills on one income? You may consider seeking professional financial advice to help eliminate that fear or consider studying something that interests you, and new employment may be on the horizon.
Positive Affirmations
When facing a change and the fear that comes with it, avoid using phrases like, "I don't think I can do this" or "I'm afraid to do this." If it is something you want, the only way to get it is to act and have confidence in yourself to succeed.
When negative thoughts enter your mind, imagine the reality you would like to create then form a positive statement that describes it as already being achieved, such as, "I love and accept myself unconditionally" or "I am free to make my own choices and decisions."
By altering your questions driven by fear to focus more on action and solutions, you will find it easier to move forward in life.
“What if I fall? Oh, but my darling, what if you fly?” ― Erin Hanson
Give Yourself an Out
If you find yourself in a place of hesitancy or fear about what step to take next, permit yourself to step back if that action is too uncomfortable.
It is better to move forward instead of staying in the same place due to fear. Remember that if you don't like it, you can always return to the status quo with a new plan of action. Every accomplishment begins with the decision to try.
Embrace your fear through separation and divorce.
As Eleanor Roosevelt said, "You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing which you think you cannot do."
If you are considering separation or you have recently separated and would like to discuss a path forward, call us today on 1300 414 855.